Last Memories

YUMMY!

Bill loved to play!

Sometimes pictures are pure torture for me!

These pictures are sweet though and make me smile through my tears.

It's time for Will's 2nd birthday (New Year's Eve!) and looking back on his 1st

and how much fun we all had makes me glad that these are my

last memories of us all being together.

I had looked forward to it always being like this but now I need to get used to

going on without them and trying to make new, fun memories. HARD!!

I'm not especially fond of staying up until midnight for New Years and neither was Bill. I think I'll celebrate Will's birthday, be with the kids, go to bed and wake up in 2010 with new hope.....maybe......hopefully........Lord willing.

More Christmas Memories!

The Rooney Boys

The Rooney boys and their cousins decked out in Christmas outfits made by Aunt Jackie

Sean hardly ever took off his coonskin cap!

Bringing in the tree.....Patrick working hard while Sean poses. Love Bill's tennis shorts! :-)

I choose joy, I choose Jesus!

Even though all of the light in my sky is dim, I choose to celebrate the birth of Jesus and the hope that it brings. The gift of everlasting life was bought for us by the birth of a tiny baby in a simple manger 2,000 years ago. For unto us a child is born, unto us a Son is given. The hope that was born that silent holy night is what sustains me. May your family enjoy that same hope this season and always! Merry Christmas from the Rooney family!

Christmas Memories

I'm trying desperately to hold on to the wonderful memories that we made as a family in order to get through the pain of missing Bill and Patrick this Christmas. Trust me, it's harder than it sounds!

Bill alway called me his Christmas woman! It sounds sweet but sometimes I think he thought I got carried away. One year I was so disappointed that he and Patrick would be playing in a baseball tournament and wouldn't be able to put up Christmas lights on the house. What I didn't know is that while I was away visiting with Grandma, Bill and Patrick were really decking the house out! I came home with Grandma in the car for her regular stay and WOW, the house looked beautiful! (The photo doesn't do it justice) Bill even used a lift to put lights on the very top of the house! I was completely enchanted!

Patrick's 27th Birthday

On November 17th 1982 William Patrick Rooney III was born to my delight.........It was a boy!

He was sweet from the beginning (a little whiney at times). He grew into a wonderful boy and then became a great man, husband and father. This is the first birthday without him and it's been so incredibly hard! A Mother's love is tender and fierce at the same time but without him sometimes it feels lost. I love you Patrick with all of my heart!

I'm not OK!

I know I went to Europe but it doesn't mean that I'm ok. I know that I wear a smile on my face and I go about my business as if things are normal but I don't feel normal at all! I get together with friends and family and wear a smile but believe me, I'm crying on the inside. Life for everyone else moves forward but for me it stands still. Those around me go home to their families but my family isn't the same family anymore. Half of us are missing! If you think that I'm paying attention to what you're saying to me.....think again! When Bill and Patrick died they took half of my brain!

What I need is for you to cry with me. Don't make me feel uncomfortable when I seem out of sorts. I think that I'll be out of sorts for quite some time. As Patrick's birthday approaches, I feel more and more as though I've been dealt an unfair blow that is hard to resolve. In time I will resolve it, don't worry. God is my strength and salvation. Without Him I would not even be able to write this.

Caught by surprise!

There I was with a burst of energy in the mood to do some cleaning and organizing. I like it when I feel like that!

You know how sometimes you don't see the clutter until you realize someone is coming over? That's just what happened but I felt up to the occasion?

The office was a mess. First I organized some stacks of papers and put them in files. Then I threw away some magazines that were taking up way too much space on my shelves. Books needed to be put back on the bookshelf from the last trip I made. I found things that were dated so long ago I forgot what they were for!

I looked over at the coat rack and noticed it was cluttered too. One by one I started removing first the hats and then a couple of jackets. BIG mistake........I fell apart! The sobs wracked my body. Wow, where did that come from? I guess I'm not ready to get rid of or move Bill's things. I'm just not ready. Nope, I'm not ready. I wonder when I will be?

My sweet boy

Only a mother understands the deep, deep pain of losing her child. Patrick was supposed to enjoy all that life had to offer and he was well on his way! He was a darling baby...............

Then a charming young man

Then he met the girl of his dreams

And they got married happily ever after

They started a family

Patrick was a great Da Da!

And then came the icing on the cake!

Where can I put the pain of it all? It explodes all over the place and it can be so messy! The tears are never ending yet the memories so precious. Where can one go for comfort but to the Lord? I do not know.