Monday, November 22, 2010

What is thankfulness?

Since my last "feeling sorry for myself" post I've had a revelation of sorts. I can get up in the morning and choose each day to be thankful for what I have! Trust me, it's not easy; it's possible though. I've made some headway since last year and I give that to God for sure!

After a recent church sermon preparing us for the Thanksgiving holiday I was reminded that in
I Thessalonians 5:18 we are called to: "Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Hmmmm, all circumstances? Yep.......all circumstances! Even when I've lost my husband and son in an airplane crash? Even when I feel that my world has come crashing down? Even when my tears won't stop flowing? How about when I see Patrick's children without their earthly Father who loved them so much? Yep........even then!

What does that look like in real life? I can't say that I know for sure. I'm trusting that if God said it then it's true and it's possible and I'll keep holding on to it. I'll try a new perspective when I can. Being thankful puts my focus in the right place. I'm not sick. I get up each morning maybe a little more slowly but I get up. I have a beautiful home with family and friends to love. I have food on my table with more overflowing. I have clothes to wear and a church to go to and I can express myself in a free country. I have MUCH to be thankful for!!

 Will and Colin

 Reesie with her new puppy! (notice the pigtails!)

 left to right
Colin Rooney, Bobby Sole, Sean Rooney, Bryan Johnston

Patrick would have turned 28 on November 17th, 2010

Life is a gift! Live in thankfulness for that gift!
Have a blessed Thanksgiving!


Sunday, November 7, 2010

Wow! It's already November.

I haven't posted for awhile and I can really feel it. There are things that I need to get off of my chest! When I get up in the morning and look outside at the new day I can hardly believe that Bill and Patrick are gone! It's strange the hand I've been dealt. Things seem normal sometimes but then again sometimes they feel terribly wrong! I go about my day but there are moments when I want to scream, "Hey everyone! Don't you get it? My husband and son are dead!" There...... I said the word. "Dead", it's an awful word of finality. I can't get it out of my mouth most of the time. But that's the way it is, that's my reality.

I have a secret. If I died today it wouldn't bother me. I'd get to be with them. I'd get to be in heaven. Don't get me wrong, I'm not wishing that I would die. I'm just saying that if I did, I'd be fine with that. Losing a husband and a son at the same time has shaken me to the core. I'll never be the same. I need to give myself permission to travel this journey however long it takes. Hopefully, you'll understand.

When I walk through my entryway every night, I'm reminded that Patrick loved the holidays and when he was in Steamboat a few years back he brought back a lit fall tree for me and Erynn. I couldn't put it up last year but now that I have this season, I smile when I walk by it because I think of him.