I'm sad

Today I feel sad. For the first time I really didn't want to get out of bed. I had to finally force myself.

I read todays devotion from "Streams In The Desert".........

Chance has not brought this ill to me;
It's God's own hand, so let it be,
For He sees what I cannot see.
There is a purpose for each pain,
And He one day will make it plain
That earthly loss is heavenly gain.
Like as a piece of tapestry
Viewed from the back appears to be
Only threads tangled hopelessly;
But in the front a picture fair
Rewards the worker for his care,
Proving his skill and patience rare.
You are the Workman, I the frame,
Lord for the glory of Your Name,
Perfect Your image on the same.

Parts of this are very hard for me to swallow but I'll keep trusting.

What happened to "Happily Ever After?"

Once upon a time there was a girl. She grew up to be a head strong young woman who had all kinds of ideas about who she wanted to be when she grew up. She wanted to travel the world. There was so much to see and experience. She was quite independent!

Then she met the man of her dreams and she changed all of her plans. She wanted to marry him and start a family and she did. "She" became a "they" and together they raised three marvelous boys and had a really nice life full of fun and laughter. There was school, sports and lots of vacations to go on. Great memories were made with family and friends. Life was good. No, life was great!

On a horrible day not long ago all of that changed. The rug got taken out from under that girl while she was experiencing that great life. The man of her dreams along with one of those marvelous sons went to heaven and left her to cry rivers of tears. Her "happily ever after" was destroyed in an instant. Now she wonders what to do. She wonders who she is. She wonders if life will ever be good again.

A Nice Gesture!

A sweet girl named Cherie sent this song to me. It is an awesome song that speaks to my soul. I hope you enjoy and find comfort in it like I do. Thanks Cherie!

OMGosh! It's Been a Year!

I have memories of being on the computer that morning of January 11th 2009. I was organizing Christmas.......this is where that is stored and this is what I need next year........I loved this recipe but didn't like that recipe. I even have a note to self that Bill wanted me to try some lighter healthier recipes next year. I was willing to try! Oh how I wish I had the chance to try!

The day was bright and sunny and I was anticipating a call from Bill or Patrick that they arrived in Chino any moment. I looked out the study window and noticed my sister and her husband pull up in the driveway. Hmmmmm? What are they doing here? When I opened the front door and saw the look on their face I knew! I just knew and I screamed like never before! NOOOOOOO!!!

It's hard to share that moment but on this anniversary of their death I need to be real! I can't believe that this is my life and I can't believe this has happened to my family! The struggle to make sense of it all permeates my being every moment. GOD.......what do I do now? What does this mean? WHY??????

I look back on this year and see God's presence. I see the comfort and love that He promises through all of you! You've been sweet, full of wisdom and amazing! Your prayers have felt like a blanket of comfort that wraps around my heart and soul. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! I leave you with this...........

We are hard pressed on every side but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. II Corinthians 4:8

Last Memories

YUMMY!

Bill loved to play!

Sometimes pictures are pure torture for me!

These pictures are sweet though and make me smile through my tears.

It's time for Will's 2nd birthday (New Year's Eve!) and looking back on his 1st

and how much fun we all had makes me glad that these are my

last memories of us all being together.

I had looked forward to it always being like this but now I need to get used to

going on without them and trying to make new, fun memories. HARD!!

I'm not especially fond of staying up until midnight for New Years and neither was Bill. I think I'll celebrate Will's birthday, be with the kids, go to bed and wake up in 2010 with new hope.....maybe......hopefully........Lord willing.

More Christmas Memories!

The Rooney Boys

The Rooney boys and their cousins decked out in Christmas outfits made by Aunt Jackie

Sean hardly ever took off his coonskin cap!

Bringing in the tree.....Patrick working hard while Sean poses. Love Bill's tennis shorts! :-)

I choose joy, I choose Jesus!

Even though all of the light in my sky is dim, I choose to celebrate the birth of Jesus and the hope that it brings. The gift of everlasting life was bought for us by the birth of a tiny baby in a simple manger 2,000 years ago. For unto us a child is born, unto us a Son is given. The hope that was born that silent holy night is what sustains me. May your family enjoy that same hope this season and always! Merry Christmas from the Rooney family!

Christmas Memories

I'm trying desperately to hold on to the wonderful memories that we made as a family in order to get through the pain of missing Bill and Patrick this Christmas. Trust me, it's harder than it sounds!

Bill alway called me his Christmas woman! It sounds sweet but sometimes I think he thought I got carried away. One year I was so disappointed that he and Patrick would be playing in a baseball tournament and wouldn't be able to put up Christmas lights on the house. What I didn't know is that while I was away visiting with Grandma, Bill and Patrick were really decking the house out! I came home with Grandma in the car for her regular stay and WOW, the house looked beautiful! (The photo doesn't do it justice) Bill even used a lift to put lights on the very top of the house! I was completely enchanted!