Tuesday, July 24, 2012


I swam laps in the pool early this evening.........hard laps. Angry laps, then sad laps. It all ended in tears. At least I got some exercise!
Lately, days with Patrick's children end in tears because I'm really sad and angry that he's missing them. He's missing the delight that I'm experiencing with his children. It's getting to me. Patrick couldn't believe that he was having a girl and today, with Reese, all I could think of is Patrick laughing while her and I paint each others finger nails. She would say the darndest girl things and I wish that I could share it with Patrick. She loves to sing and dance and Patrick would be saying, "oh my gosh, can you believe her?"
The whole time that I swam, Patrick's dog, Duke, was barking and whining, even jumping in the pool at times trying to save me, it seemed. When I finished and was sitting on a patio chair in tears Duke seemed to put his head in my lap to console me saying, "it's okay." As I sat there in a heap, I noticed two birds fly low over the pool together chirping in delight. I was reminded that Bill and Patrick are in heaven rejoicing, having a great time, enjoying the presence of the Lord. "Don't be so sad" the birds seemed to say.
.........okay, I'll try.

princess dress, princess sunglasses, princess fingernails......she's a princess!
a jewel on each fingernail
Seems calm now!
By the way, here's Duke


Nora said...

Debi we don't know each other and I have no idea what you are going through but I think of you so often and pray for you when i do. I wish I had some words of wisdom to help you but I don't. the God your husband and son are with is still there for you...and loves you so much even though you might not feel that way. Look to him as best you can ], he can help.

Stacy said...

I don't know you, but your story brings tears to my eyes. I wish you did not have to endure this heartbreak. This post made me cry. It's just not fair that a wonderful family like yours should have to go through something like this. The part about Duke made me smile. I swear, dogs just know! I hope Duke brought you a little comfort. Dogs are amazing animals!!!! You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hilary said...

I'm so sorry for the pain you endure. Bill & Patrick are still with you always. And Patrick lives through Will & Reese. Stay strong!

Anonymous said...

I've been following your blog and have been encouraged and so blessed by your openness in sharing your journey. My heart goes out to you and I often cry because I am so moved by your words of wisdom and clarity in God's provision and will.I can feel how much of a loss you have endured and how much love you shared with your husband and your son.Unfortunately, I don't have a happy marriage as you had. I only long for what you and your husband shared. As I try to deal with my failing marriage and my critical and verbally abusive husband,I turn to your blog to find encouragement. Thank you for allowing me to see that a marriage can be beautiful and that even through the loss of you beautiful marriage you can see that it was a true blessing to have a loving husband and there is no doubt that you were such a loving wife.I am trying to see what God has planned for us...I'm tired of weeping because of my painful marriage and not being able to enjoy life and everything God has in store for me because of it.I thought I needed to stick through the ugliness of a marriage that's so full of criticism and pain to be loyal to my husband, God and family...but I'm so miserable. To know a glimspse of what you had is what I pray for.Thank you

Anonymous said...

Debi...Once again, my heart breaks for your tears, but smiles with joy at the sight of Reese. The daughter of The
King is a princess; you are a princess too, and God loves you. See you at Cooking
light. cathy z

Anonymous said...

Hi Debbie,Thinking about Bill this morning as the Space Shuttle rolls through Los Angeles.
We worked on the Furnaces that heat treated those parts in the early 80`s.
Good times working with Bill:)
Sounds like Mr.Roach passed away?If so I am sorry for your loss.
I remember the coversations I had with him were always interesting.
Really enjoyed talking to him.
Best wishes in the future,
Christopher Dobbins
Best Wishes,Christopher Dobbins..

Debi said...

Sweet anonymous! I haven't checked my blog for a very long time and I'm so sorry that I'm only getting back to you now. I'm touched that you find encouragement in reading my blog.Please know that I'm praying for your marriage and the courage that it's taking on your part to stay and work on it. Husbands are called by God to love their wives and enduring criticism and verbal abuse is not part of his design for your marriage. Please keep that in mind as you move forward. Stay in touch! You're in my prayers........

avgypsy said...

as your loving Mom wish I had been with you this day. My heart aches for you, especially now! My heart aches for all on widowed village also. So much sadness and loss when our partner leaves us.

[[[[[[[debi]]]]]] Hope today your Thanksgiving is giving you so much pleasure and you feel the love from all your family. x0x0x0

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