Sunday, August 1, 2010

It's time

I think it's time for me to start putting things away that belong to Bill.
He isn't coming back after all.
His clothes are hanging on the rack in the bathroom. Why?
Maybe I haven't been able to face the fact that he really isn't going to come
through the door ever again yelling WOMAN!
His slippers and a pair of shoes are sitting in front of the closet like they've been
for a year and a half.............just waiting.
It's terrifying to realize that I'm alone without the part
that made me feel complete.
Somewhere deep inside of me I need to find the me that came before him.
But that was so long ago.


avgypsy said...

No Deb, not the you that came before him but the better you BECAUSE of him! You shouldn't have to look far, he would be proud of you! Love ya, x0x0x

MandyMy said...

It took a while for me to put Dan's things away. So, I know how you feel on this part of widowhood. It's probably one of the hardest things to do.
Now to the other part of this post. I don't think that we'll ever go back to the person that existed before our loves. Our lives have changed too much. Through their love, and the love we shared we are better people now. We might hate how we feel, and not understand the person that we've become, but they are worth getting to know. We are strong women, who each day decide to live. You may not see that strength, but I promise you it is there. It's hard, but we have to embrace the new person that we are, and with time we will grow to understand, and accept them. We can't go back, only forward. Our lives were touched by amazing men, and your's by TWO amazing men. Take the women you were before them, the women you were during life with them, and the women you are now because of them, and embrace every part of her. The days ahead will be tough, as have the ones been since their deaths. But through their love, and the love of the ones around you, you will survive. Take your time, live each day by the second, and know that Bill and Patrick are smiling down, and soo proud of you!! HUGS!!

Amanda said...

Have you considered having a quilt made of some of Bill's clothing? That way you wouldn't really be getting "rid" of his'd always have a piece of him.

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Jana Rooney said...

This breaks my heart Debi:( Bill and the relationship the two of you had made you who you are and he is. I love you and him so much!! Xo

I bought Bill those slippers the Christmas before the accident:/

Anonymous said...

Oh Deb, I am so so sorry, I can't even imagine how hard this is for you. God will give you the strength to go through with this part of your life, I know he will. You have had so much to handle and you are doing a great job. I envy you that you are so strong. We loved Bill and Patrick as if they were part of our family, in fact we considered that, Patrick was like a grandson to us as well as Erynn. We miss them so much. Words cannot express our sorrow for you, we love you very much and will do anything to help you get through this part of your life. Please don't hesitate to call us if you need anything, we are always here for you. Love Linda & Steve Lopkus

Jasmine said...

Mandy's beautiful post above said exactly what I was thinking - that you are forever changed by the wonderful love of your husband. Through your union, Jesus intended both you and he to never be the same!

My heart grieves for you as you deal with this very emotional task - I pray that you are blessed with much strength.

"It is the LORD who marches before you; he will be with you and will never fail you or forsake you. So do not fear or be dismayed."

~ Deuteronomy 31:8

Anonymous said...

My son died early in 2007 - much too early and much too young! I still have not been able to deal with all of his things although I have sorted thrugh his clothes and donated most of them to charity. I can't seem to bring myself to face the rest of it.

Anonymous said...

Sweet blog, I hadn't come across previously in my searches!
Keep up the good work!

Ricci said...

I've kept my brother's phone number programmed in my phone for 5 years and 5 different phones now, even though I know he can't call from his place in Heaven. Some things are just so hard to remove from your daily life. I feel your pain and wish it wasn't so.


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