Mother's Day

Every act of evil extracts a tear from God, 

every plunge into anguish extracts a sob from God. 

Nicholas Wolterstorff, Lament For A Son

When Mother's Day comes I can't help but think about Patrick and how much I miss him. Unless one has experienced the pain of losing a child (even an adult child) it's hard to understand the depth of the hurt. When Patrick died, a part of me died with him. I'm not the same person and I never will be that person again. These pictures take me back to sweet, happy times as a Mother.

XOXO!

This picture cracks me up! Patrick is sitting with the construction workers at lunch while they tell him jokes. Notice his t-shirt is backwards!

Hunting started early!

Bill's Birthday Present

Pepperdine University Graduation 2011

So fun when they throw their caps!

We're all very proud of Colin

Bill would have turned 57 this past Saturday. Instead of sadness that he's not here anymore to celebrate, we experienced great joy and happiness because Colin graduated from college. We're so proud! Bill would've been so proud too and felt it the perfect gift! Having Will along with us somehow felt connected to Patrick who also graduated from Pepperdine University. He would have been proud of his baby brother for sure! It was a windy but beautiful day and Will behaved wonderfully! It's hard enough for an adult to pay attention to some of the speeches let alone a three year old! Huge accomplishment Colin. Way to go!

Wedding Anniversary!

Today would've been our 29th wedding anniversary.....WOW! I know we would've made it too. Our commitment to each other was true to the core! The song I've posted has a crazy video but I'm so sure that the tune would've been one that Bill and I would get a kick out of.
Don't take each other for granted. Love each other forever from the bottom of your hearts! Live a life of no regrets........OK Please?

Change

These days I'm struggling with change. Most of the time it makes me sad. During what seems like a very long time ago it didn't bother me so much. In fact, I welcomed it. I like the change of seasons and I enjoy a change of scenery. I love to change clothes and get comfortable and I really like a little change in my purse! It's so exciting to change countries and see things that I've never seen before.

A change of your mind can be a good or bad thing, it just depends. A policy change can be something for the better but I don't really like most of the policy change being made in our country today. The change in wind direction can mean a storm is on the way or the Santa Ana winds are coming.

I don't like rule changes in the middle of the game. It's hard to adjust to an address change (well, maybe not if it's to the Italian countryside!) What I don't like is life change! I know that it's inevitable and it can be a healthy thing. I'm just not ready for it. I also know that this is my problem and no one else's. It's just hard! I'd like to be able to embrace it and hopefully someday I will.

"God grant me the Serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference."

Come out, come out, wherever you are!

Whew! The coast is clear! I can come out of hiding now! January is finally over and I can say goodbye to a terrible month! I wouldn't mind if it was removed from the calendar!

I love Christmas and everything that it represents and I always have. When it's over, I'm really bummed. So when January arrives and I have to clean and pack up all of the decorations that I love to put out, I get a little bit sad. No.....I get really sad!

Then New Years brings resolutions and resolutions reminds me of the ones that I broke last year. I can't help but be a little disappointed in myself. I didn't lose the weight, I didn't spend time on my creative side and I didn't get organized after all! YUCK!

Then on top of it all, it's my birthday! DOUBLE YUCK!! Who likes getting older? Not me! Older brings new wrinkles, an expanded waistline, a slower step and more aches and pains. It's just a reminder that I'm closer to the end. Boy! I really sound depressing!

It doesn't help that the accident happened in January either. I'm sure that that in itself magnifies my sadness. A new year starts and I should feel hopeful but I just don't. So now it's February and my "Valentine" is gone and I need to muster up the effort to smile. I pray to find meaning in what seems meaningless and hope in what seems hopeless. The Lord promises me that He's with me and believe me, I wouldn't have made it this far if He wasn't.

"....but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint" Isaiah 40:31

Steamboat in January 2011

Finally Home by Mercy Me

I wonder if I'll ever be able to listen to this song without crying?

All I want for Christmas

Dear Santa,

Would you bring my Husband and Son back this Christmas as my gift? It's all I want and I've been a very good girl! I've been brave and put a smile on my face even when I didn't feel like it. I've kept putting one foot in front of the other with God's help even when my legs wouldn't move.  My strength is gone and my smile wanes. I'm just not the same girl that I used to be. If I could only see them again to give them a hug and tell them how much I love them I'd be so happy. Christmas would be perfect if you'd only give me the gift that I'm asking for. PLEASE!

Love,

Debi