Reflections in Steamboat

I'm in Steamboat and I'm enjoying it. It's beautiful here! We did this more for Bill though. This is where he really looked forward to spending his time. He loved it here and I'm sad that I don't get to savor the time here together with him. This was his conception. Every place I look I want to turn to him and say "This turned out great!" But it's more than that. He loved the outdoors and this is where he was going to fill that love. Instead I'm doing it without him. I miss the opportunity to hear him say "Welcome to God's country!" Steamboat is filled with down to earth nice people, no traffic and great beauty and I wish so much that Bill was here to enjoy it with me!

Bill loved his Gator! Now Colin gets to love it

He'd be sitting in this chair admiring his territory

He'd be smiling at this gorgeous sunset

He'd be smiling at this rainbow too

What does a Father pass on?

His name,
His looks,
His smile,
The way that he walks.
He passes on
His sense of humor,His compassion, His generosity
and How to love.
He passes on
His integrity, His faith,
His confidence and.....oops! His temper.
He passes on
His mechanical skills,
His business mind and
His common sense.
He passes on
His love of hunting and the great outdoors
and His talent for baseball.
He passes on
His way with people,
His tenderness and
the love he has for his family.
Happy Father's Day!

Green Bracelets

When I see green bracelets my heart skips a beat!
If you don't wear one, it's OK.
I'm not sure what it means to me.
Someday, I'm sure, I'll take mine off.
In the meantime, I'm touched when I see one.
It could be my Dad,
my sister,
or my friend.
I might see one on Colin's baseball teammate,
one of Patrick's dear friends,
or even my banker!
It might be my daughter-in-law's sister or aunt,
a friend of my nephew's, or even a note that says Patrick's Little League All-star teammate still keeps his on too.
When I'm asked to send one to one of Patrick's Pepperdine baseball teammates, I smile.
I guess it comforts me to know Bill and Patrick are still remembered.

Inspiration!

For our 10th wedding anniversary Bill took me to France! It was a wonderful trip! Among other things, we visited Monet's garden outside of Paris in Giverney and there our love for beautiful gardens began. Especially our love of roses! We came home and tried to mimic some of what we saw. It worked to a large degree and in the spring, especially this spring, I venture into the garden, see the roses, and think of Bill! How sweet he was to get on board with roses! I actually think he liked them too! We seemed to be on the same page when it came to decor and how we wanted our home to look. I was so lucky that way......thank you Bill!

Monet's Garden.......Inspiration!

Bill is so cute!

Bill had to put on a suit for the restaurant we were going to!

This is our backyard. I love it!

Believe it or not, our dogs live behind those doors!

This is my garden!

This is my garden!

This is my garden!

This is in my garden!


"Love planted a rose and the world turned sweet"

Mother's Day 2010

I think about days like Mother's Day and Father's Day very differently now. I don't really like them. I called them "Hallmark Holidays" before. I didn't need a special day that someone else decided was a day to be celebrated. I felt special and loved most of the time anyway! These holidays were designed by the retail industry to make us spend our money. Now, I think of all the people who wish that these days didn't serve as a reminder of what they lost. Next, I think of anyone who actually loses a child or parent on Mother's Day or Father's Day...............worse!

What can I tell myself to get through this? I say things like, "it could be worse!" or, "I'm thankful I had them in the first place" and sometimes even, "I'll see them in heaven some day." It makes sense in my head but not always in my heart. Remember to cherish every moment; keep the people you love close!

Happy Birthday Bill!

Kinda weird seeing a model airplane flying

Bill missed another birthday. He would've been 56. I always envied the fact that he didn't really mind getting older. He insisted he'd get an eye job one of these days though. He was great to have around. He was fun, he made life an adventure! I feel less than whole without him........ come to think of it, I feel barely a part.

I had hoped to be in Steamboat again for the big day but was warned of a snow storm that would probably make an already sad day even more gloomy. It was beautiful here in California. My sweet sister went with me to a local trail that Bill and I hiked to regularly and let off notes attached to balloons. I know it's not environmentally friendly but I'm not sure that I care right now!

The card read:

I said a prayer for you today,
the way I always do.
To thank God for the precious gift
of sharing life with you.

I thanked Him for the way we met,
the way we fell in love.
Realizing now that
He was watching from above.

And then I asked
for every special blessing He could send
For you-my one and only,
my husband and my friend.

Happy Birthday With All My Love!

Patrick.......Daddy

Sometimes the struggle to survive this awful sorrow is just too much to take.
When I see a young Father with his kids I feel ripped off for Will and Reese. Patrick was going to be such a great Dad! He wanted to be a Father so much! When I realize that Will and Reese aren't going to get the opportunity to know Patrick I wonder where the sense of that is? What is the justification, God? Please tell me! I don't understand!

Believe me, there are many of us that will tell stories about Patrick to Will and Reese. We'll tell them how much he loved them but it won't be the same! I want to see Patrick hold his kids and throw them up in the air laughing! I want him to hug and kiss them until they giggle uncontrollably! I would've loved to see Patrick teach them and play with them like a loving Daddy would do. I feel so jipped!